V-Day

Valentine's Day sucks. Yes, everyone knows that. Yes, it's what you make of it. Yes, it's just a consumerist holiday meant to bring Hallmark cash. I don't necessarily disagree with these things. But Valentine's Day also functions as a more wrenching form of the ostracism single people already feel. I've never really dated anyone on V-Day, so I consider my experiences with 23 single V-Days to be a pretty good survey of what it's like. Highlights of past V-Days:

• Getting Drunk
• Going to Hooters
• Masturbating
• Crying (primarily High School)
• Eating Candy (< 16 Years Old)
  
• Eating Candy and Crying (> 17 Years Old)
• Ignoring it while secretly crying on the inside

See, none of these are better than the average Valentine's Day: Eating and Fucking. Though, I've only heard that's what Valentine's Day is about.

V-Day can also be painfully awkward. Consider if you are in a new, thus-far0undefined relationship. V-Day helps make clearer if that person takes it and you seriously. Since I'm getting drunk with my single friends on Valentine's, you can't take that to mean what you will about my current "guy friend." Kind of depressing.

Coincidentally, I started listening to the band Suicide right around Valentine's Day (such good timing on my part). I've also been listening to the newest Hidden Camera's album, which is basically a really vulgar and gay Belle and Sebastian. My favorite song, "In the Union of Wine," is about a gay fucking a straight who's really drunk. The Hidden Camera's are a great band and it's a shame I don't like them more considering they have songs about anal sex and peeing on people. That's what Valentine's Day is all about.