Marx Marvelous

2010-04-09T11:35:00.001-07:00

http://DebraGmernicki5170.co.cc

New blog URL

2008-09-04T18:33:00.001-07:00

I promise this is the last change this week:

http://marxmarvelous.ipood.net/

RSS feed: feed://marxmarvelous.ipood.net/?feed=rss2

'Palin' in Comparison?

2008-09-03T11:30:00.000-07:00

I love the McCain picked Sarah Palin for his VP pick. It's remarkably dumb... I mean Maverick-y! The reaction to all of this has been splendid. At first I was totally worried she would help McCain-- and she might-- with the idiot wing of his party. But it's clear that she will only help him there. Obama's already seeing a crazy bounce in the polls. Sure some of it is due to the Democratic convention but the polls are also showing the news of Palin being absurd.

McCain is angry of course. The Daily Intelligencer sums this up well:

Let's walk through this: Palin's family is an integral part of her "story" — the Iraq-bound son, the decision to keep the baby with Down Syndrome — but when the media reported that 17-year-old Bristol Palin was pregnant, it was accused of violating a private family matter. Palin's tenure as the head of Alaska's National Guard was propped up as part of her national security experience, but when Campbell Brown pestered McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds to come up with one decision Palin made in that role (he couldn't), the McCain campaign canceled an appearance with Larry King and told CNN the Brown interview was "over the line." When the Obama campaign criticized Palin's lack of experience, Carly Fiorina warned them that "sexist treatment" wouldn't be tolerated by "American women." And when reports trickled from liberal blogs into the mainstream media that Palin and her husband had connections to a secession-minded Alaskan political party, the McCain campaign accused "supporters of Barack Obama" of "an unfortunate and nasty smear campaign." In other words, the McCain campaign springs a complete unknown onto the national stage and then asks the media not to vet her any more thoroughly than the campaign did itself.

I couldn't agree more with the idea that attacking her family is fine because of the first part of this quote. McCain loved shoving her family in the spotlight, but once it's revealed that her 17 year old daughter is having an "illegitimate" child, that's totally off limits. Fuck you, seriously. Gays can't marry because we'll warp kids? How about Christians be banned from marrying because they have rule-bending, slutty, anal-sex loving children?

Anyway, I think there is a good chance Palin will get the boot. McCain wanted Lieberman or Tom Ridge in the first place. And if her speech tonight is a disappointment, she's out. However, I do not see it as at all likely that Palin will volunteer to drop the campaign. She knew her daughter was pregnant before being picked. Did she really think this wouldn't be an issue? And if she knew she was pregnant, why did she insist on emphasizing her family values? It doesn't take a brain surgeon to see how that would undercut her appeal. As everything has indicated so far, this woman is interested in more power and keeping a stranglehold on it. Even at the expense of her own family.

Those are family values I want in the White House!

JOHN MCCAIN IS A CYCLON!!!!

2008-09-02T11:17:00.000-07:00

I just saw this at BoingBoing and thought it was in our national security interests to spread this on: JOHN MCCAIN IS A CYCLON.

They have a campaign website.

New anti-Tina campagin

2008-08-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

I've done a lot of volunteering at the Gay Men's Health Crisis working on some of their anti-crystal meth (TINA!) advertising campaigns. I've got to say, if more of the campaigns were conducted this way, there would be none left in the gay community:

See more Kristin Chenoweth videos at Funny or Die

Hot Boys and Daft Punk

2008-08-19T14:07:00.001-07:00

I wouldn't be doing my duty as your friendly male homosexual friend if I didn't share this with you:

From Slog

BEST THING EVER!

2008-08-13T06:53:00.000-07:00

Thank you NBC! Thank you NBC! This swimmer ab matching game makes up for Will & Grace!!!

Another Proposition in California

2008-08-06T14:22:00.000-07:00

So there is the horrible Proposition 8 in California to take away gay and lesbian's right to marry and another one called Proposition 2 to ban inhumane farming. I think this video from the Humane Society of California is one example of why I'm a vegetarian and why I am considering cutting fish, eggs and more dairy out of my diet.

Greg Gets to Live Forever

2008-07-24T14:02:00.001-07:00

If I was god (and didn't exist) I would let Greg live forever. This is why.

Miss Piggy Fucks the Pain Away

2008-07-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

Yes:

Same Sex Immigration and Obama

2008-07-10T12:16:00.001-07:00

I've been reading a lot of Citizen Crain, which is a wonderful blog about LGBT issues and politics. But it also has a large slant towards same-sex immigration. This was a post by the contributor Andoni:

I attended the Obama VIP reception which entailed a photo with Barack and maybe the possibility of 10 seconds chat time while the photo was being taken. I consulted Rachel Tiven of Immigration Equality for her suggestion as to what the best 10 second bite would be. She suggested to be as emotional as possible and gave me, “I have to choose between the love of my life and my country because I am gay. Please support immigration rights for gay and lesbian families.”

I practiced this line over and over. However, when my moment came, I flubbed my lines. I don’t know exactly what I said, but I did manage to get out gay and immigration --- and then I choked up. It was a real emotional choke up, not an act, and not the script. However, I said enough for Obama to know what I was talking about. He put his arm around me and in a very comforting way said, “I know, I know.”

Reading this made me tear up a little. I can't imagine I would do any better and probably would turn into a sweating, weeping mess. This was slightly heartening though:

It was apparent that he [Obama] knew this issue well. He took some time to explain that same sex immigration is going to be a very difficult one because it combines two of the most controversial issues Congress faces, gay rights and immigration. (I heard this from Barney Frank two years ago as well.) Obama also said that to tackle it we were going to have to establish a vehicle to recognize gay couples. I think we both said “civil unions” simultaneously -- me as a question, he as a statement.

I hope Obama keeps up his support as November barrels forward for the LGBT community and then doesn't throw us under the bus the same way Clinton did once in office. Even despite what everyone sees as his move to [duh-duh-duuuuh!] the CENTER, he's been good about still supporting us.

It's a shame how hard this fight is going to be and how much time it will take. Some of us don't have a lot of it.

Oklahoma Travels

2008-07-09T14:24:00.001-07:00

Well, here is a cute litte slideshow made by my bff's gf. Sigh. I miss bowling for under $20 already.

Deportation do us part...

2008-07-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

Again, in case people thought California or Massachusetts made that big of a difference for us.

Recovery, Day 2

2008-07-01T10:22:00.000-07:00

Uhhh... I have a headache. This has little to do with my chapstick recovery, but more to do with the fact that I left my sweet sweet cigarettes at home. Since I import my smokies from International Duty Free Zones, I refuse to buy another pack for 9 fucking dollars.

Anyway, I saw this today and it made me think of how glad I am that I've quit my chapstick addiction before my kids had to suffer through this kind of torment:

Recovery

2008-06-30T20:17:00.000-07:00

For almost 10 years I have engaged in a terrible and destructive addiction that has controlled my life. I've fits when I can't get it. I've lashed out at loved-ones when they get in my way. When I'm not using it I can't stop thinking about it. And for the last day I've tried to stop, but I've had awful physical withdrawal symptoms.

But I just can't live without Chapstick (or the generic name lip balm). It all started when I wanted to look cool and beautiful like everyone else: free of acne. After battling pretty bad acne for a few years, I got put on accutane. That little pill of modified vitamin A that clears out acne also dried out every pore in my body. When my regime started, so started my lip balm addiction.

In the beginning, I tried things like Carmex which my friend Paul swore by. It was this strange, thick jelly you smeared out of a little tub and applied liberally to your lips. It had a faint mint tinge and tingled my lips. I think I was under the impression it was somehow healthier than Chapstick. But my Carmex always ended up full of tobacco, since I had taken up smoking at the time.

I eventually opted for the chapstick, but only because I could get the delicious cherry. I didn't mind that it made my lips slightly pinker, I thought of it and cigarette dangling from my mouth as saying "Come hither." Eventually, I made my way to the black tube, then settled on the very expensive and bourgeois blue moisturizer stick. I was paying almost $2 a stick to support the habit.

Now chapstick had some downsides pretty early on. The most ironic downside was that my fight against acne got me on chapstick, but it was the chapstick that eventually exacerbated the growth of my acne. The creamy goodness clogged my pores and in the worst spot: the edge of my lips. This wasn't the occasional pimple, no these were the monstrous and repetitive lip zits that screamed "Herpes!" to any passing person. I popped them as often as possible and always ended up with deep red sores with the freshest hint of blood. Other than my inability to dress myself, nothing was more damaging to my dating life.

Over the last few years the problem has been that I started wearing tighter pants. I carry cigarettes, a lighter, keys and chapstick: the four most necessary things in my life. And despite the fact that the bulge of the chapstick makes me look like I have a very small, tubular penis, I was so addicted to it that I couldn't let it go.

For ten years, I smeared the stick on my lips and barely even considered the physical ramifications of the nasty habit. What if I got lip cancer? What if my body stopped being able to care for my lips?

Yesterday, my lip balm disappeared. Vanished. It was no where to be found in my pockets. I imagine it got tangled in something and fell on the street. Since I was too drunk for most of the day to go and get any more, I decided to go cold turkey.

I'm happy to say I've gone my first full day without chapstick. I can now look forward to each morning feeling the real freedom from addiction that comes after the first cigarette of the day and not having to apply that lip balm.

Praise.

Story of My Life: Sexually Antagonistic Selection

2008-06-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

This image has something to do with genetics and being gay

Slate has a really interesting article on a study out about male homosexuality. According to the theory, it seems we are not necessarily choosing to be gay (duh):

The theory is called "sexually antagonistic selection." It holds that a gene can be reproductively harmful to one sex as long as it's helpful to the other. The gene for male homosexuality persists because it promotes—and is passed down through—high rates of procreation among gay men's mothers, sisters, and aunts.

As a way to control rampant procreation, you get fabulous gays. Basically, women's bodies start to recognize somehow that your family is too damn big and you get a bunch of 'mos. It curious that this happens instead of simply just getting sterile men.

Anyway, I totally agree with the conclusions in the article:

First, it implies natural limits to homosexuality. You don't need to worry that gay teachers or television characters will "convert" hordes of boys. Sexually antagonistic selection is self-limiting and impervious to postnatal cultural factors. The authors' computations show no scenario in which male homosexuality spreads throughout a population.

Second, by the same token, you can't culturally eradicate the gay minority. It's sustained by genetics and natural selection.

I love imagining a time when people accept that sexuality is not, in both extremes, some choice we make to do freak people out or a weird disease we secrete through our mouths and then vomit into others (like something out of the x-files).

One of the Top 1000 Pop Hits of the 1980's, 3

2008-06-25T16:37:00.000-07:00

I've been making my way through the Top 1000 Pop Hits of the 1980's. This post explains a bit about this 4.3 GB collection of music. Every so often I'm going to pick one out and feature one of the best and unexpected songs and post it on my blog so you don't have to dig through it.

This song is not something that I've discovered as much as "re-discovered." I have extremely vivid memories of this video growing up. Not the future predicting specifics of the video, like the rainbow shooting across the Brooklyn Bridge (which I guess metaphorically predicted the faggot migration to Brooklyn) or the Jackson's spreading "magic" powders on to young boys.

No, I remember the Jacksons as the freaky Roman-esque gods. This instilled in my subconscious that these guys were really really important. And this video was fucking cool as hell. It was so ahead of it's time! I forgot how crazy-happy us New Yorkers are about their presence, though I don't really know any time other the gay pride people are okay with glitter anthrax-like stuff falling from the sky in New York. Anyway, this song is pretty good. The video is the best encapsulation of 80's stereotypes, like using Star Wars sound effects and heavy handily trying to integrate some sort of "message."

Gay Pride!

2008-06-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

This Sunday is Gay Pride in Manhattan!

Google Maps Street View in Brooklyn!

2008-06-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

I don't know when exactly this happened, but Google Maps Street View now has Greenpoint and Williamsburg Brooklyn! Neat!

View Larger Map

Calendars of Free New York City Events

2008-06-16T13:55:00.000-07:00

I think the most important thing about new york city in the summer is air conditioning. Besides the fact that I smell like B.O. all day and sweat in new and undiscovered places, summer in the city is also about free stuff.

But what free stuff to do? You could read the L Magazine and suffer through its insufferable writing. You could comb through asian massage/prostitution ads in the Village Voice. I'm also lazy and generally spur of the moment, so this cuts out all of these things.

The solution is Google Calendars and its auto-magically telling me what free stuff is happening. All you have to do is activate google calendars and subscribe to these calendars below. You can subscribe by clicking "+ Google Calendar" in the bottom right.

This is also selfish. When you find free things to do, invite me along. Otherwise I will spend the whole summer alone with my crouch open to my A/C.

"Free Summer In New York 2008" is a calendar anyone can add to. It's the most comprehensive I've seen so far and includes a lot of random stuff like Yoga in Bryant Park or the thing i'm excited about, "Drag Shoe Video Verite" this Thursday. It also includes the impossibly crowded Bryant Park movies and the impossibly hip McCarren Pool movies.

This next one is basically the same thing, and considering how packed that last one is, they surprisingly don't overlap that much. This is called Free New York City Summer and seems to be slightly more "upscale" free, emphasizing Jazz, classical and ballet events around the city.

Free NYC Museums is more of a repetitive calendar just reminding you that you should never pay for museums (or ever pay for the MEt, which is "donation" only and means you only have to pay to get that clippy pen thing and you can pay-- and I always pay with-- a penny to get two people in). Anyway, look at Fridays: MOMA, Museum of Moving Images, Asia Society, Bronx Museum, Met Opera, Guggenheim, Whitney, NY Historical Society, Brooklyn Botanical Garden and the American Folk museum are all free. Let's take Friday off!

Is there a good one I'm missing? Post a comment and let me know.

Vote Republican!

2008-06-12T09:47:00.000-07:00

More reasons to love radiohead

2008-06-12T08:08:00.000-07:00

Readiohead did a remix contest for their song Nude. This is the great stuff that happens when people let their creations be open to the public (really starts about a minute in):

Big Ideas (don't get any) from James Houston on Vimeo.

One of the Top 1000 Pop Hits of the 1980's, 2

2008-06-01T08:22:00.000-07:00

I've been making my way through the Top 1000 Pop Hits of the 1980's. This post explains a bit about this 4.3 GB collection of music. Every so often I'm going to pick one out and feature one of the best and unexpected songs and post it on my blog so you don't have to dig through it.

This song has kind of changed my life. Not only is it kind of racist but the beat is so danceable! I wish 80's dance nights would cool it on the 'Rio' and pick up on some 'Japanese Boy' by Aneka! Wikipedia tells us she is a Scottish one hit wonder. Really, pay attention to how she pretends to have an asian accent. AMAZING!

2008-05-24T13:41:00.000-07:00

Amazing! A Greenpoint beer garden is opening soon! It's so sad how excited us New Yorkers get about outside spaces and beer, no matter how shitty and concrete they end up being.

Marriage Equality in California!

2008-05-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

In thirty days from today, same-sex couples can legally wed in California after their Supreme Court's ruling today. Best quote from the ruling:

"In contrast to earlier times, our state now recognizes that an individual's capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual's sexual orientation, and, more generally, that an individual's sexual orientation -- like a person's race or gender -- does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights."

Fuck it Bill!

2008-05-15T10:01:00.000-07:00

I don't usually like these dance mixes of internet videos, but this one is actually good AND catchy!

Big, California Sized Battle

2008-05-14T14:32:00.001-07:00

California's Supreme Court is going to release some of it's rulings starting tomorrow and the big one (for me and many others) is going to be their decision on marriage equality . It's expected to be a positive decision for us gays. Finally!

In case you don't know, domestic partnerships are the law of the land in Cali for committed gays. The legislature has repeatedly submitted laws to legalize same-sex marriage and each time the governors of the state have vetoed it (thanks Arnold). If the court instates marriage equality, anti-gay organizations will push through their ballot initiative to add a ban to same-sex marriage to the constitution. The governor has said he will veto it, though (thanks Arnold).

Looks to be a big big decisions tomorrow with an even bigger battle to follow. California is a huge state and it represents a big, symbolic battle for both sides.

In case you were wondering, the federal government does NOT recognize ANY same-sex unions, so no change on federal recognition (which includes immigration rights). This looks like it will become another big issue in the election and a potential problem for Obama. He has been more progressive on LGBT rights than any one else and favors a full repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (the federal law that Bill Clinton signed that forbids the government from recognizing same sex marriages).

If Obama does repeal the federal DOMA, then there is a good chance that any states that haven't passed state level DOMA's will have to start recognizing California and Massachusetts' same sex marriages. This is all sort of off in the distance, but it's a real possibility. Finally.

Tim Gunn on Polygamist Sect Style

2008-05-09T11:50:00.001-07:00

There's nothing like watching two gay men critique a bunch of over-married breeders. This is literally what us gay people talk about when we're all alone!

Oklahoma Dreamin'

2008-05-08T17:30:00.000-07:00

I have made an important decision in my relationship: I'm taking my boyfriend home. Well, "home" to Norman, Oklahoma. Though my parents have vacated, I consider Norman Oklahoma my home. My friends are there, the house I grew up in (and which is being defiled by some sort of tree cutting, landscaping whores) is there, the schools I attended, the parks I started smoking away the latter parts of my life in are there and so on.

Of course it's also the home I made a goal of leaving as soon as I realized I could. Oklahoma is one of the blandest places in the country and Norman is the capital of suburbia. There are few things in Norman you couldn't easily find somewhere else. Wal-Mart, Applebees, Chili's, Borders, Malls, Megaplexes, big box stores, pre-fab subdivisions with man-made "lakes" and so on. And, of course, gays are not that popular there.

The beautiful thing about this, though, is my man is Belgian. He has been to New York and that's about it. He has never seen America, never really experienced it. So all of these things will be new to him. I will have the chance to experience Oklahoma not as the most banal place on earth, but as the magically repellent embodiment of American excess and sprawl!

Anyway, my best friend and her girlfriend will also be there. It'll be exciting for us to have a prolonged double date but also to help act as guides and defend back me up when I tell Jan that the super center wal-mart we go to is actually just one of two and that there is also a Super Target of the same size. Anyway, she has a good post soliciting ideas for how to best experience Oklahoma. Leave a comment with your ideas.

Damnit. Ceiling Cat hates gays too.

2008-05-08T11:51:00.001-07:00

Right, the whole bible in LOLCAT.

I found this passage particularly powerful and I will no longer be teh gay:

No can has mansex liek has ladysex. (hehe) Taht iz teh ghey

More proof that we are genetically similar to the monkey...

2008-05-08T07:07:00.000-07:00

Seriously, drunk monkeys.

"I want to punch Hillary the person in the face"

2008-04-18T09:25:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've ever said this before, and I actually don't have an intense urge to punch Hillary in the face, but I sort of instinctively disagree with part of this opinion. Actually, I agree you cannot divorce Hillary from her womanhood, but I don't think saying you want to punch Hillary in the face is actually carrying the baggage Melissa seems to think it implies. I want to punch Bush in the face as well. In fact, there is a whole meme of "in the face." Like "I want to shoot you in the face", "I want to stab myself in the face", etc.

"In the face" is just sort of the throwaway, slightly comical additive to a statement. And to say you want to punch Hillary in the face basically just means you want to punch her and she sucks. Cause she kind of does. Melissa says:

It's something of which I must be conscious, too—I am reluctant to use violent imagery generally, but extremely averse to using it when discussing women I don't like. Despite the distinct unlikelihood that anyone would mistake misogyny as my motivation, even a (metaphorical) attack within a culture in which women—particularly strong, opinionated women—have historically been silenced with threatened or actual violence borrows and legitimizes misogynist strategies. I don't have to like Hillary Clinton's voice (although, for the record, I do), or her policies or her sense of humor or her decision to stay in the race, and neither does anyone else—but, regardless of intent, the public declaration of a desire to punch her in response summons an ugly history of physically silencing uppity women. And, no, a threat to punch a man doesn't work quite the same way—care of the double standard brought to you daily by the patriarchy.

Yes, it does bring up some history of uppity women being put in their place if you automatically relate FEMALE + VIOLENT THOUGHT = PATRIARCHY! But it's also a general reaction of people who conceive of being powerless to a negative force. I want to punch Bush because I feel powerless to stop him. When I hear his voice, I know that he is there, beyond my control, and it enrages me. I want to punch him to shut him up and make him stop.

I can easily see how this parallels people who want to punch Hillary in the face. She at this points represents negativity and a power the we cannot seem to stop against Obama. To claim that this somehow invokes a history of violence to women, well I disagree. If anything invokes a history of people being powerless against their leaders and acting out against them in one of the few ways they can which includes humorous language and statements like "I want to punch them in the face."

Call It a Ritual

2008-04-14T12:48:00.001-07:00

Quiet screaming as I play this new Wolf Parade song from stereogum over and over. One caveat, I don't think I like this song that much.

New Wolf Parade Details

2008-04-11T16:24:00.000-07:00

Finally! Wolf Parade has announced when their new album will come out and Pitchfork has the tracklist. I'm so excited! Their first album is one of the best I've heard in years and all of the off shoot products of the band (Sunset Rubswon, Frog Eyes, Handsome Furs). I highly recommend the first album and will be obsessively reloading mininova till I find this new one.

Eat Dirt

2008-04-08T13:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, well I'm going to bitch less about my Kashi being more expensive:

News of the Weird has a depressing economics story this week about food prices in the poorer sections of Port-au-Prince, Haiti, which is perhaps the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere.

The price of rice, the staple product, has doubled in the last year. This increase naturally has residents looking for substitutes for rice.

Apparently in the past they have baked “dirt cookies,” using salt and vegetable shortening along with clay from a nearby area. The clay has some nutrients in it, so it is not entirely filler. The problem, though, is that the supply curve of clay is not horizontal; so with this increased demand for the clay, its price has risen too — by 40 percent during the same period. One might say that the dirt is no longer dirt-cheap!

From Freakonomics blog

One of the Top 1000 Pop Hits of the 1980's

2008-04-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

I've been making my way through the Top 1000 Pop Hits of the 1980's. I've been tackling it at about 100 songs a week and I'm almost done. The weird thing about this collection is that it is definitely not from America. I have no idea where it's from really, but my European friend recognizes all of the pop songs which leads me to believe whoever compiled this list is from Europe (and I think they are dutch). Also, the person who compiled this has an extremely loose understanding of the term "80's." I'd say two-thirds of songs are from the 80's and one third are from the 90's and 70's.

There are a few amazing classic gems in this collection. I mean, a vast majority of it is horrible 80's crap. Like bad, no name teeny-bop syth pop songs or mid-tempo adult cotemp ballads. But when I stumble onto something new and unexpected, it's totally worth it. Here is one of the first songs I want to pick out from this collection. It's "Hey You" by the group Rock Stead Crew. From Wikipedia "Rock Steady Crew is a breakdancing crew and hip hop group that was established in the Bronx borough of New York City in 1977. The New York Times calls the Rock Steady Crew 'the foremost breakdancing group in the world today'" This song is amazing and I just stumbled across the video today:

Fucking Obama

2008-04-03T07:09:00.000-07:00

This one is fantastic. And you know, it is true, she really is fucking over Obama who will be the Democratic nominee this year.

McCain Girl is Pissed!

2008-03-31T13:14:00.000-07:00

Oh dear:

I'm still not convinced that this isn't a joke. Even though she does seem really pissed that people think it's ridiculous. But really, there are so many obviously bad things in the video! If you could go to the trouble of raining McCain images, why can't you go to the trouble of having Debbie's thighs not blend into the screen?

Failures of Online Ads

2008-03-31T09:24:00.001-07:00

I logged in today to look at this article about Kathy Lee returning to daytime TV on NBC's Today Show. I actually didn't read the article, I just wanted to see what she looked like. Well, here's the answer to that:

Fine, she looks fine. BUT HOLY SHIT WHEN YOU LET THE WHOLE PAGE LOAD. Just let this image wash over you first.

What the fuck is up with online advertising? Placing images inline to article is a great way to get people to notice your ads (which I totally ignore but use as page marker for me when I scroll up). Unfortunately, at first, it looks like an image in the article. It also doesn't help that she looks like Kathy Lee.

Well, Dermitage, great ad. I think you do something. What is it? It's either you're going to fix this horrifying monster's face or you make people look so disfigured passing people on the street will look away in disgust so that they'll never notice how wrinkled you are.

How Hillary Remembers It

2008-03-28T09:28:00.001-07:00

Clintons: Giving Us An Unenthusiastic Reach Around

2008-03-25T07:54:00.001-07:00

BILL CLINTON HATES CHILDREN!!! Look at how Bill Clinton attacks that sweet, stern looking lesbian about his actions against the gay community.

This video brings up a good question and is one of the fundamental reasons why I support Barack Obama. Bill Clinton (and Hillary) argue that the Defense of Marriage Act was the necessary thing to do at the time to protect gay people. Bill here argues that the other option was a constitutional amendment.

Now, no lie, I was really young when he signed that bill. But the whole idea of a federal constitutional amendment didn't really gain traction and credibility until Bush. This seems to me that Bill and Hill are trying to meld two different points in time together and claim some sort of time warp in LGBT history.

Unfortunately, to protect themselves politically and appeal to us 'mos, they have to say that one of the most anti-gay bills in history was to protect us from our selves. The Defense of Marriage act did more than prevent states from having recognize other state's gay marriages, it prevented the federal government from having to recognize them either. This locked us out of all federal benefits (social security!) and other rights conferred by the federal government (immigration!).

Hillary states she wants to repeal parts of DOMA and Obama says repeal the whole damn thing. It's like being fucked unwillingly in the ass while getting a sort of limp reach around. The Clintons are going to get off in us (get our vote) while limply making us get off as well ("We do what's best for you, now stay quiet you nasty bottom!"). As someone in a relationship with a foreigner who will be forced to leave the country soon because I can't sponsor his Visa, I can't side with the someone who says basically it was the best option and now the best option is pick a few things out of it but to leave it largely intact.

Incarcerex!

2008-03-24T10:39:00.000-07:00

From Joe.My.God

Rich People and the New York Times Style

2008-03-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

I have this on-going love-hate relationship with New York Times. I love the paper for the most part, but I deeply hate the Sunday and Thursday Styles. It does two things make my skin crawl:
1) Figures youth trends out about a year late
2) Focuses on the ridiculous upper class

The first one I can let slide. It's kind of cute sometimes when they point out that mustaches are popular again about a year after that was true as well as neglecting to point out the asshole factor in all that. It reminds me of my parents using the word "Cool." You know they're trying but it just feels forced.

The thing that really makes me angry is their insistence on focusing on white, wealthy Manhattanites. There has been a long line of their societal "observations" which invariably feel like a debutant past her prime polling her friends during tea.

"Betsy, you really gave up work to be with your children!? That's fantastic!"

"Yes Mitzy, you know me, always wanting to be with my children."

"Oh, I feel like the silly feminists just didn't get it. This is my choice to be with my family, you know?"

"I know! And the fact that you have Juanita to help you out, it's like two mothers for your babies!"

"Exactly! It's fabulous. Really. And Juanita has finally stopped asking time off to take care of her gazillion children."

The only mothers who voluntarily stop working are the rich women who have that choice, especially as we slide into recession.

What really pushed me over the top this weekend was the article, "You Say Recession, I Say ‘Reservations!’" The article is about how some New Yorkers feel good about that fact that some people are losing their jobs at Bear Stearns, perhaps meaning people can afford houses with more rooms but-- more importantly to the New York Times-- you can get a dinner reservation!!! They then imply the average New Yorker who makes $46,480 a year should be terrified that the people making "seven- and eight-figure salaries" are going to leave the city.

I understand there are a lot of intricacies to the economy, and people losing their jobs at one firm doesn't mean the whole city will now be economically equitable. But the New York Times does a great job at chastising anyone who feels excited about that possibility. They draw frightening parallels to the 90's, 80's and 70's recessions that hit New York. What will we all do if, oh my god, middle income people start buying apartments in the city!!! They could be even be living RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO YOU.

This is, of course, great for most New Yorkers except for the Bear Sterners (who will probably be able to find another job, though they may take a huge hit and make only six figures) and Brokers (who should mostly all be shot). Here is the crux of their argument though:

That’s why the troubles at Bear Stearns are a mixed blessing for New York’s lower ranks. The same masters of the universe who have made housing so expensive have beefed up the tax base, its sanitation services and its police force. They have, in many ways, underwritten the “new” New York City of the late 1990s and 2000s, defined by pristine parks and low murder rates.

Right. There is no argument that the richest people in New York pay more in taxes, in straight dollar amounts, than the rest of us. But, you know what, I sincerely doubt they pay more percentage-wise of their income to taxes. And let's not forget in Bush's America the tax cuts go to the rich in the form of taxes on investments being reduced or removed. The percent that people in the seven to eight figure income range pay in taxes is going to be less than what I pay. But this also ignoring that if housing becomes more attainable, maybe people who live in public housing will see the opportunity for housing open up for them, thus increasing their children's since of stability, perhaps raising their chances in life and reducing the possibility they'll turn to crime.

The tax base will have trouble when there are lay offs of the rich, on a huge huge scale. But I sincerely doubt there will be enough to make a huge difference. And don't forget, if the taxes on the rich go up, they'll leave New York City (right mayor Bloomburg!?).

But that's unlikely. Were exactly will they be going? Europe? You think that the taxes in Europe are less than they are here? I don't think so. What will make them leave, though, is if our economy keeps going in the shitter. And maybe, you know, they'd stick around longer if health insurance was paid for by the state instead of private employers. Or, better yet, they might stick around here if buying a place to live was cheaper.

Raining McCain Video

2008-03-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

The last minute of this is brilliant.

Music: Josh Maus

2008-03-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

Josh Maus is a dark lo-fi electronic artist whose music I cannot find ANYWHERE. The first song I heard was this one, which I found on a random blog somewhere. I cannot stop listening to it.

So you can check out his website here. You can find a few random things about him on myspace. He has a label, mysteriously in the UK (he lives in minnesota). You could buy his album there, but since the GBP is now like 15 times the dollar, I don't recommend it.

After googling him (makes me think i fingered him somehow) I found a few more songs. They're not quite as great as the one before:
My Whole World Is Coming Apart.mp3
Don't Be a Body.mp3
Just Wait Till Next Year.mp3

So he's also hot. I try to judge musicians solely on their music, like the pixies, but i'm kind of a developing a weird 10 year old girl's crush on him. Check out his extensive wardrobe: vneck, vneck, vneck and vneck.

I can't find him on eMusic, itunes, btjunkie or mininova which means I can't have his album and I'm bummed. I'm up for suggestions oh how to get his album (NOT ORDERING IT!).

Oh, and here is this jesus video:

Fuck ya!

2008-03-20T07:54:00.001-07:00

Battlestar Galactica New Series!

By the way, take a look at that Wired photo. Do all of the people in that panel look uncomfortable as hell? Perhaps that's what it's like to discuss the last regular job you'll ever probably ever have.

Response to Pablito

2008-03-19T12:37:00.001-07:00

This is my response to Pablito's post on Porno in light of Obama's Speech on Race:

Interracial Bust Stop Orgies
I think this video is clearly tackling the issue of busing in public schools.

So when they are told to bus their children to a school across town; when they hear that an African American is getting an advantage in landing a good job or a spot in a good college because of an injustice that they themselves never committed

This is all about white anger, Pablito. She's angry about busing and so she, well, gets peed on.

My Daughter's F*cking Blackzilla 6
Okay, well, this is one is also really obvious.

I can no more disown him than I can my white grandmother - a woman who helped raise me, a woman who sacrificed again and again for me, a woman who loves me as much as she loves anything in this world, but a woman who once confessed her fear of black men who passed by her on the street, and who on more than one occasion has uttered racial or ethnic stereotypes that made me cringe.

Why did she fear black men on the street, Pablito? Blackzilla.

Honey, We Blew Up Your P*ssy 9
This movie is less obvious.

These people are a part of me. And they are a part of America, this country that I love.

Booty Annihilators 2
It's the opportunities for people who would want to annihilate a booty, Pablito, that is important.

I will never forget that in no other country on Earth is my story even possible.

Magic Sticks 'N White Tricks 2
Okay, so magic sticks and white tricks is all about how white, hetero men use trickery and beating us with their magic sticks to get ahead!

Like the anger within the black community, these resentments aren't always expressed in polite company.

Exactly, they express it through video.

Terrible Teens 5
Pablito, remember back to our young days. Remember what you did to me?

in which your dreams come at my expense

Vacuum Hoes 8: Young Amateurs
All i gotta say is:

I am here because of Ashley.

Back!

2008-03-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

Let's try this again and see what happens.

mm

Statement of Diversity

2006-12-10T10:59:00.000-08:00

For an application to school, I have to include a "Statement of Diversity." The prompt asks me to explain how I will contribute to a diverse student body in such ways as gender, class, race, ethnicity, heritage, etc. Here's my statement.

Growing up in Oklahoma as a liberal, gay atheist made me nothing if not diverse. When I moved to New York I quickly seemed to be anything but diverse, though it was abundantly clear to me that my diversity had not abated.

First of all, I was overweight. While in the context of America's "obesity epidemic" this was nothing special, I was something of an odd, too-fat-to-fly bird in the gay clubs. Despite every effort to layer on loose fitting clothes to conceal my person, it was clear something was amiss in the sea of shirtless men in tight jeans and the one bibulous flannel sail. Things were further complicated when I realized that I in fact hated pop music. While I could gyrate with the best of them to a Britney Spears hit, I always deep down pretended it was a Ramones song. However, my experiences allowed me to understand other homosexuals and to even translate their language. While "Totes gotta M-K my 'tein shake cause Tina is def raging" is indecipherable to most, I understand this cry for help as "I very much need to vomit my protein hake like Mary Kate Olsen because the crystallized methamphetamines I have done are making me sick."

As an Oklahoman moved to New York, I felt lost, alone and scared. I now had to walk and use such foreign things as “public transportation.” People threw at me foods like “egg plant” and “Pad Thai.” I had never had a meal that did not consist of a brick of meat and something fried, and soon I found myself faced with the conflict of whether I wanted my wheat gluten wrapped in grape leaves or smothered in Tahini. In a year I learned more about gastronomy than I had in the previous 19 years of McDonald’s drive-thru and reheated frozen dinners.

While attending New York University, I was aware of some subtle class differences. One example was my dorm room—the "low cost triple"— in which three beds, three desks and three men were to share one dresser and 120 square feet while others complained that their Luis Vutton luggage would most definitely not fit in their closet because the Manolo Blahniks needed space to breath. When I finished college, I also found it difficult on a nonprofit salary to live in New York City. This struggle, though, was somewhat concealed since so many others also suffered but with the pain of living with trust funds. The fear of feeling over-privileged and hated was so subtle it was almost missed until you found yourself staring at the Empire State Building through their floor to ceiling windows.

While my awkward phases eventually passed, I was no less separated from others. While studying in Sociology, I found that I was one of the few people intent on actually pursuing the study. As could happen with any major, there were a number of Sociology students who were pursuing their major in order to either simply have a major or to tell personal stories. I felt unusual when I said "Vay-ber" instead of "Way-ber" and a seething resentment from others when I refused to clarify a theoretical idea in gender inequality with self-indulgent points about my "queer-ness."

I see my diversity of belief and sexual orientation as invaluable. But my diversity in thought and experience is a contribution of no less importance.

God, Gays, Abortion and AIDS: Things to Avoid in Oklahoma

2006-10-10T21:34:00.000-07:00

Some people ask me why I am the way I am. Not that anyone has actually done that, but if they did take the time to really think about me, they might ask such questions as "Why are you so sarcastic" and "Why are you so hostile to religion, especially Christians." Well, part of the reason is growing up in a part of the country that is too stupid to be in the South, too blad to be in the Midwest and too desolate to be in the Southwest: Oklahoma.

Oooooohh-klahoma, is where the ignorance goes sweeping down the plains. Case in point, this little nugget of amazing I copied from an old VHS tape I found while cleaning out my childhood house in Oklahoma. This show, Fire By Night, proselytized to anyone up past 1:00 am-- stoners, drunks and nerds-- to follow Jesus. It was geared for the "Teens" and meant to teach us how to act Christ-like. It gave practical advice through an amazing segment called Family First. And Jesus Christ, would Jesus Christ be proud.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

For those less fortunate to be fatter, more fortunate to be skinnier....

2006-06-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, since Beacon's Closet doesn't buy anything back (no really,
unless you are anorexic, they don't want it) you should donate your
clothes. I know a lot of people moving (me included) so the best
thing to do is to give up on your dreams of fitting back into those
jeans-- or holding on to your fat clothes because you know your weight
loss luck will run out soon-- and just get rid of it using this handy
little Google Map driven charity donations search:

http://charitydrives.org/

Right now Brooklyn only lists Salvation Army locations, but more to come?

Keep Prayin'

2006-03-31T07:25:00.000-08:00

Long-Awaited Medical Study Questions the Power of Prayer

Honestly, we really needed to spend $2.4 million to prove that prayer by strangers has no effect on a heart patients outcome? Prayer clearly doesn't work. Part of this could be easily confirmed by the complete and total inexistence of God but there are also other ways of proving the uselessness of prayer. Despite being an atheist, there was a point in my life where I prayed. A number of things I prayed for that never happened:

1) To be straight
2) To win a million dollars
3) That Newt Gingrich would die (again my praying was a while ago, but i still consider this a valid wish)
4) A 10 inch penis

As any of my former sexual partners can attest, that clearly did not happen. So the power of prayer? Well, it's basically means that sometimes you have to get heart surgery because instead of exercising and spending more time making healthy meals, you were praying and going to church. So basically, don't put all of your eggs in the one God basket.

On a related note, there is a cool article on religiosity and intelligence at wikipedia. Are religious people dumb? Not across the board and in every way, but they seem to be "somewhat lower in quantitative ability" (article). I could have told you that.

Music Reviews #2

2006-03-27T12:54:00.000-08:00

Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Show Your Bones
This is a pretty good follow up. I was worried their sophomore slump might be as bas as the strokes' -- a "different" sound where "different" means "the same." Show Your Bones is more poppy and accessible than their last, which for once seems like a good thing. I'd get the whole album.

The M's- Future Women
This album sounds like a Beatles cover band expanding the oeuvre. It's good, not great. Only get: Plan of the Man, Trucker Speed

Wilderness- Wilderness
Boring. Really really boring. I think this is suppose to be political, which is really nice. I encourage that. But no one is ever going to give a shit about politics with music like this.

Mylo- Destroy Rock and Roll
Well this has been name dropped to me three times already so it must be good. Right, right? I really like Daft Punk. I don't really like knock offs. Only get: In My Arms, Musclecar Reform Reprise, Drop the Pressure

Liars- Drum's Not Dead
The liars progression away from coherent songs into disjointed noise rock band is almost complete. Pitchfork really liked this album, further proving if you release something blatantly arty and inaccessible, pitchfork will like you. A lot.

Arctic Monkey- Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Again with the name dropping and hype. As per the album title, "I say your a really good band whose first album wasn't complete crap."

Cloud Cult- advice from the happy hippo
This is a terrific and sad album. Cloud Cult, however, has the unfortunate problem of sounding like every other indie pop band to follow the Flaming Lips. It's a bit Arcade Fire, BBS, Neutral Milk Hotel, The Microphones and so on. Joyous, yet serious, this album however has the depth to overcome the familiar sound.

Gary Numan- The Pleasure Principle
Best known for the song "Cars," Numan's first album follows pretty closely to that song. It's a good listen, especially to get an impression of where synth pop started. It's also fun to discover Basement Jaxx's "Where's Your Head At" contains a sped up sample of the song "M.E."

Duty Free

2006-03-21T08:13:00.000-08:00

Yes, that is the mythical uber-carton, only available in Duty Free stores. Yes I bought one. Yes it was amazing. Yes it was 5 cartons. Yes that is 50 packs. Yes it was about $1.40 per pack. Praise!

Down South

2006-03-03T06:51:00.000-08:00

As my fingers holding my luggage blistered on the way to work today, it occurred to me how happy I am to be going to South America where it is the end of summer right now and the weather for the next ten days is in the 70's.

I'm not totally sure about this, but I doubt I'll be updating this while i'm gone. But who knows! Maybe hot South American boys will let me photograph them. I will be checking my email, though. So if you get bored or just want to say hello...

The New Gay Friend Dynamic

2006-03-01T08:58:00.000-08:00

I actually just watched Vera Drake, a movie about a woman who gives girls abortions in England during the 1950's when abortion is illegal. She aborted the babies by sticking some sort of syrynge pump in the woman's vagina and then filling up the uterus with what appears to be soap, hot water and olive oil. And the next day-- viola!-- miscarriage. Thank god that movie exists, because when the Supreme Court hears the next abortion challenge from South Dakota (which recently just banned abortion so that the new Supremes could overturn Roe v. Wade) I'm going to have to help all of my girlfriends abort their fetuses.

That's the next step in the Gay Man - Straight Woman friendships: abortion. See, this makes sense in a physical way because I don't care what their vagina looks like (besides maybe to make sure there really aren't teeth) and I will not be distracted by wanted to have sex with my friend pre- or post-abortion. But it also makes sense because this is exactly what liberals, the ACLU and homosexuals want: We want to abort babies from the comfort of our own homes. And rape children.

So anyway, this is a really great guide on how to abort a baby:

For the women of South Dakota: an abortion manual from BoingBoing

I know this is going to be hard for some homosexuals. But consider this part of the procedure:

The membrane should be easily broken with the forceps. Depending on how far along the pregnancy is, varying quantities of clear or pinkish fluid may come from the vagina.

Look! Pink fluid! Gay! Gay! Gay! Thanks George Bush for helping contribute to this new dynamic of my friendships!

V-Day

2006-02-13T13:45:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day sucks. Yes, everyone knows that. Yes, it's what you make of it. Yes, it's just a consumerist holiday meant to bring Hallmark cash. I don't necessarily disagree with these things. But Valentine's Day also functions as a more wrenching form of the ostracism single people already feel. I've never really dated anyone on V-Day, so I consider my experiences with 23 single V-Days to be a pretty good survey of what it's like. Highlights of past V-Days:

Getting Drunk
Going to Hooters
Masturbating
Crying (primarily High School)
Eating Candy (< 16 Years Old)
Eating Candy and Crying (> 17 Years Old)
Ignoring it while secretly crying on the inside

See, none of these are better than the average Valentine's Day: Eating and Fucking. Though, I've only heard that's what Valentine's Day is about.

V-Day can also be painfully awkward. Consider if you are in a new, thus-far0undefined relationship. V-Day helps make clearer if that person takes it and you seriously. Since I'm getting drunk with my single friends on Valentine's, you can't take that to mean what you will about my current "guy friend." Kind of depressing.

Coincidentally, I started listening to the band Suicide right around Valentine's Day (such good timing on my part). I've also been listening to the newest Hidden Camera's album, which is basically a really vulgar and gay Belle and Sebastian. My favorite song, "In the Union of Wine," is about a gay fucking a straight who's really drunk. The Hidden Camera's are a great band and it's a shame I don't like them more considering they have songs about anal sex and peeing on people. That's what Valentine's Day is all about.

Music Reviews

2006-02-10T08:33:00.000-08:00

My friend, Jason, has a blog dedicated to talking about and reviewing movies. His blog has a purpose, a focus, something that really pulls it together. I don't. I have stuff on sleeping pills and gay sex. So, I thought I would have an entry that was about music since I did that once already. For this one, I'll review a bunch of albums at once without really commenting on the substance of each album.

Belle and Sebastian: the life pursuit

I think the life pursuit of the people in b+s is to slowly progress through the decades. They started off in the 60's, made about 5 albums in that decade, and just now got into the mid-70's with their new album. This album is a drastic improvement over the 12 track shit-fest Dear Catastrophe Waitress, but it still leaves you thinking about how good the 60's were, before that whole oil crisis. I'm really excited for Belle and Sebastian's coked up, post-punk, new wave album.

We Are Scientists: With Love and Squalor
A J.D. Salinger reference makes up for our complete lack of insight, creativity and talent!

Tom Vek: We Have Sound
This is an amazing ratio: one good song for every five. The two best tracks are If I Had Changed My Mind and I Ain't Saying My Goodbyes, so if you see it on iTunes, just buy those two. Or, better yet, you could just buy a Beck album.

Beck- Guerlito
This is not the Beck album you, or anyone, should buy.

Film School- Film School
This is a really really boring album. You could say naming your band after something more pretentious than being in a rock band is a bad idea but I actually believe making an album that sounds like boring background music for a boring film school project is a worse idea.

Morningwood- Morningwood
Hahaha, you get it? Morningwood? Wood? Wood is slang for erection. Morning is when most men have an erection. Morningwood! Funny. Too bad this sounds more like a Piss Erection.

Test Icicles- For Screening Purposes Only
Bands just stopped even trying to name themselves. But luckily the sophmoric band name preps you for sophmoric punk rock. There are two dancable tracks (Dancing on Pegs [not surprsingly] and Circle Square Triangle) and the rest is pretty useless.

So really nothing great has come out recently. The Belle and Sebastian is not bad, it could be grow on me, but the rest of this stuff blows.

WholeFoods

2006-01-31T08:32:00.000-08:00

WholeFoods. Up until I read this AlterNet article (Natural Food, Unnatural Prices), I didn't like WholeFoods because of the people that go there and the prices. Now I hate them as a provider of goods and as a fucked up corporation too.

The People

On any given day at a WholeFoods, you will see scores of upper class white people walking around on their cell phones buying carrots, juices and meats that could easily be bought a block or so away at an respectable grocery for half the price. Most grocery stores have an organic section now where you can easily find lower price foods. You just have to look. I know a few people who insist on Whole Foods. The general line is that the food is just better and the company is responsible. As I'll discuss later, it's not. But it seems to me these people are driven more by their elitism than anything else. WholeFoods is the downside to unthinking liberalism. It's what happens as some liberal people age, they so doggedly internalize their politics, they think that somehow shopping at WholeFoods is good for the them and the world. It's this sort of fucked logic: they sell organic and charge too much, therefore they must protect the environment and pay their employees well. It's like a lazy way to save the world.

But never underestimate the elitism. I work with a WholeFooder and I mentioned the other grocery chain Key Foods to him one day. His lip curled up in disgust, "What is that?" I explained to him it's a "Grocery Store" where they sell food. He then told me he only goes to Dagostino's, if not WholeFoods, which is also unnecessarily expensive. I asked why he never went to the others. He responded, "Because it's not as fresh." Of course he'd never been. More expensive does not mean fresher. You know what does? Farmers markets. That is almost always organic and, more importantly, it was probably just picked that week. WholeFooders are just out to prove that they are rich and, basically, gigantic, gaping assholes.

The Prices

For some reason organic apples taste better and, somehow, are better for you. I suppose that's partially true but there has been little evidence that fertilizers on non-organic food will hurt you or kill you. What does a double increase in price get these people? Are they living longer? Probably, but it' unlikely it's because of the organic foods. If you are wealthy enough to shop at WholeFoods, you are also probably wealthy enough to afford a good doctor, a good gym and shopping at Crate & Barrel (which would make me happier and healthier). WholeFoods are not healthier than someone who goes to, say, Homeland (for the northerners, that's like Gristede's) and buys their weeks worth of groceries for half the price.

But there is also this misguided idea that WholeFoods is some sort of altruistic company. They must be! They sell gluten-free, dairy-free Whole Grain Soy Crisp Healthy Farms Snack Chips! They must be contributing to small farmers, environmental causes, low-cost housing, gay marriage and defeating the Bush Administration!! As the AlterNet article explains, Whole Foods is a massive company that can buy large amounts of products from the organic food producers. They can therefore get these organic foods at substantially lower prices. But are they cheaper than any other store? No. They are, in fact, significantly more expensive. Like any company, they want profit. Like any bougie-company, they know they can sell you way up (Starbucks).

The Workers

Most people bemoan Wal-Mart for not paying their employees enough and for not letting them unionize. Well Whole Food is the exact same. They have consistently squelched unions and prevent their workers from fighting for better pay. This is not to say the WholeFoods destroys local business, forces their staff on government programs and locks their workers in the stores after closing, but they aren't pampering them either. And what about their pay? The AlterNet article experimented to see if a cashier could afford to buy groceries at WholeFoods for their family. And the results were that they couldn't. Granted no one in the universe could afford to feed their families at WholeFoods (except for all the assholes I mentioned earlier) but I suppose if you can attack Wal-Mart for it, you should attack WholeFoods for it as well.

Anyway, if you couldn't tell, I hate WholeFoods.

USA Today Discovers Gay Jokes

2006-01-26T07:40:00.000-08:00

Holy Shit, USA Today just discovered that Brokeback Mountain is generating a lot of jokes. Do you think the USA Today just now found out the gays and lesbians are always the objects of ridicule:

Film spurs culture of gay cowboy jokes

More importantly, do you think if there was a black love story, that the USA Today would have an article on black jokes. Or maybe a culture of Jew jokes after Schindler's List. Thanks USA Today, you've made making fun of gays not only acceptable but really interesting for your fourth-grade-level reading audience.

Gays Are People Too: Bad Music

2006-01-25T08:24:00.000-08:00

Honestly, I don't know why gays and lesbians need separate music. This all started with Sony launching "Music with a Twist," a label "dedicated to nurturing lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans-gendered artists." [Reuters]

Okay, so I get it. You're gay. You want to sing. But what is Music With A Twist going to offer that I couldn't get on, say, Dreamworks who has Rufus Wainwright. Or simply stick with regular Sony, who has the Indigo Girls. Scissor Sister is already on Universal, and there's lots of horrible house music on whatever label keeps pumping that shit out. And trannies are abound. Antony and the Johnsons is on Secretly Canadian and Le Tigre's drummer on Universal. So what is the point of making a gay-centric label? To foster the 'mos in their efforts to be creative (because homosexuals have never been known as creative before):

The label also plans to release various compilations geared towards gay and bisexual audiences, as well as music fans everywhere, featuring hit songs by established artists that have been embraced by gay, bisexual and trans-gendered audiences as well as tracks from emerging gay artists.

Oh my god! Thank Jesus! Finally, I can get all of the awful awful house music I've wanted. You know, the over produced synth pop with some soulful singer crooning and screaming "You got to" or "I've had it" or "Baby" over and over. And does this mean NSync, Britney Spears and all the other top 40 trash that EVERY SINGLE HOMOSEXUAL loves?

Fuck Music With A Twist. Is it possible that gays are not a homogeneous group and that efforts to put them in one is a bad idea? And what about a band with one homosexual, do they go to Music With a Twist? Does ~~Iron Maiden~~ Judas Priest [thanks Joey] get re-released because their leader singer was a fag? All I know is that when something is geared towards the "Gay Me," I tend to not like it. Like Logo -- with their specials on tanning or the best place to travel for gay clubs that are, other than the color of the people in it, still gay bars blasting house and pop -- do I really want music simply because it is just gay. I like music because I like the melody, the rhythm, the lyrics, the whatever. I do not like it because it's got some who gets fucked in the ass or fisted. I just don't care and think efforts to pigeonhole someone as a "gay" artist is a bad idea. Let the art speak for itself.

And despite the fact that this is a bad idea, there's AOL's new section:
G Sides, Music for the LGBT Community

Honestly, if I was young and starting to realize I was gay, I would not come out if I thought my sexual orientation meant listening to fucking house music, Cyndi Lauper and Boy George.

Special Note: Okay, so the image at the very top is from Sid Spencer, a real honest-to-God homosexual country singer. I happened to find him while searching for images to use, and I really feel like that album cover is the best album cover of all time. I salute him.

Sleep Aid

2006-01-24T08:55:00.000-08:00

I hate flying. A lot. I have what seems to be mild panic attacks whenever any amount of turbulence hits. This keeps me from sleeping. And since I'm flying down to South America soon on a 12 hour overnight plane flight, I wonder to myself: How will I sleep? Not only do I have panic attacks on planes, but I have (more or less) a moderate addiction to sleeping pills. And since I'm not sure the definition of sleeping pill addiction, I will simply state that I take, every day, some sort of sleep aid unless I'm drunk or stoned, at which point I generally take one anyway but think a little longer about it. This leaves me wondering, should I go to the doctor and tell them I'm a crack head who can't sleep? Or should I go and simply say "Please give me two ambien for my plane flight." I'm slowly weaning myself off sleeping pills at the moment and I don't necessarily want to be put on prescription sleep since I doubt I could ever stop using those. I've never taken a medication before. Are they good?

Anyway, here is my sleeping pill review:

Doxylamine succinate
(NyQuil and generics)

This is the first thing I ever took to get to sleep. It's sort of woozy sleep at first and then you're out. Unfortunately, this has almost no effect on me now. And they took out the pseudoephedrine because it's used as narcotic and not just a way to make falling asleep sick more fun.

Diphenhydramine
(Tylenol PM, Tylenol Simply Sleep, Sominex, Nytol and Generics)

Tylenol PM is the classic with 25 mg of Diphenhydramine. These little dolls helped me through most of High School and the beginning of College. It's really hard to fall asleep in a new place, especially a "low cost triple" in NYU housing without air conditioning so these were necessary. Unfortunately these don't work the way they use to anymore either.
On the upside, Tylenol started making Simple Sleep, which is Tylenol PM without the painkilling agent Acetaminophen but still only 25 mg of Diphenhydramine. Curiously, it's significantly more expensive to buy Diphenhydramine without Acetaminophen than with it. So if you don't particularly value your liver, go for some generic Tylenol PM and save some cash for the transplant.

Dimenhydrinate
(Dramamine and generics)

Ever wonder why this made you so sleepy? It's because Dramamine is made of Dimenhydrinate, which is very closely chemically related to our friend Diphenhydramine. This only has 29 mg of Dimenhydrinate, so you gotta take three of these to fall asleep like you would with Tylenol PM. These used to knock me out. However, it seems abusing this drug builds your tolerance up pretty quickly.

Melatonin

This is the only herbal/natural pill that I actually believe works (unlike St. John's Wort and Echinaeca, which is a bunch of placebo crap). This stuff takes a lot longer to set in, about an hour, and the sleepiness of it feels a little more like your body is actually falling asleep (the exact opposite of the sudden fog of diphenhydramines). I like this stuff for the most part. It doesn't leave me particularly groggy in the morning (not that I am ever not groggy in the morning) and I can make believe it is better for me than something chemical.

I'm slowly trying to work my way off the pills. This has involved a biography of Joseph McCarthy (which is interesting but much much stronger than NyQuil) for half an hour every night. It also helps now that I have ear plugs so I can drowned out my two roommates who insist on making meals all night and bringing very nice but loud people over. I still take the Melatonin, though... But luckily I stopped living my life like this:

Dying to Get Married

2006-01-13T10:41:00.000-08:00

AlterNet: Fear, Loathing, and the AIDS Generation: By Kai Wright, The Nation.

This was an interesting article in AlterNet about gay men and our now ever increasing tendencies to catch, spread and ignore AIDS, syphilis and other diseases. The first point comes from Larry Kramer, the AIDS activist who wrote in his book "The Tragedy of Today's Gays" about how we are killing ourselves with unprotected sex. I would tend to agree, but I'm a bit less shrill about it and less quick to blame every single gay man. The real culprit, as it was in the past, is society.

Now I'm not completely blaming society on this one. I do have a lot of sympathy for anyone who catches an STD, but at the same time, every man in New York City knows that doing crystal meth and having group sex is probably going to give you AIDS. It's not a "Well maybe open anal fissures and six different guys' cum in my ass" will give me AIDS situation, it's a "You just got AIDS" situation. People know better.

And then there's the whole issue of barebacking. Which sounds more kinky than it is. Fucking without a condom and having cum in you ass I'm sure is just really really hot, but at the same time, is it really? I'm okay with the condom. It seems to me like it's not only safe but, just as unnervingly important to me, hygienic. Anal sex is not without it's flecks of leftovers and smells, so let's not get too hot and bothered about getting that actually stuck on your penis.

I'm sort of meandering though. The Wright article mentions two key points: gay sex is assumed to be unnecessary and the intimacy of barebacking is undervalued. Direct quote:

Odets argues that by refusing to acknowledge the utterly natural reasons why a gay man may long to eschew protection during an act in which vulnerability is so central, we establish an unattainable standard--protected sex forever, until, um, marriage?--and create stigma for those who can't live up to it. "That does just what it did to homosexuality--which is push people into the closet," he concludes. "The feelings about unprotected sex get acted out impulsively and more dangerously than they would have."

Too many HIV prevention programs, he argues, are rooted in the assumption that sex between men is just empty calories. Sure, we can have it, but it's not worth taking any chances. "Gay men are sort of loath to assert the importance of sex," Odets says. "Unprotected sex is important in a lot of ways," he insists. "Why isn't it obvious to people that someone coming inside you can be experienced as intimacy? It's obvious for heterosexual couples. But if gay sex is just this perverse recreation, then it's not worth any risk." [AlterNet]

The article goes on to discuss how cumming inside someone is very intimate and that the presumption that only tweaked out Chelsea queens are the ones having unprotected anal sex is wrong. I'd agree. I've met a few semi-regular 'mos who have barebacked with a close boyfriend. Both had been tested and both were monogamous and knew it was safe. But I couldn't disagree more. To me, you can only really establish this sort of sexual act in the relative safety of marriage or serious commitment. And I think every man needs to honestly sit back and consider a few things before they decide it's seriously committed. First of all, how many people has your partner had sex with? AIDS can take almost six months to show up on test. How long have you seriously dated? Sure you may have dated for the last 8 months, but was it just serious and monogamous in the last two? Are you completely sure he didn't have sex with anyone else why you were dating in the beginning? And keep in mind, would you tell them if you had? I would probably lie just to not upset anything that was just working out so well right now.

But the real problem is that gays are denied the protection of marriage. This isn't just the laws and rights, but the socially recognized and re-enforced notions that come with marriage. Most people are loathe to have sex with someone who is married and would be disappointed in a friend who cheated on their husband. But in the gay world, a world were commitments are largely a perpetual state of "boyfriend-hood," how strongly recognized are these on the outside. If gays and lesbians are denied the socially reinforced and culturally recognized unions, fidelity is harder to keep up. Guaranteeing that your partner is HIV-negative is harder to do. But more over, gay men are not encouraged in any significant way to seek out or enter monogamous, loving relationships.

In my thesis on long term gay couples, the one question that left these couples at a loss was "Were there any relationship role models for you?" In the media, in entertainment, there are a few if any gay and lesbian couple role models. There are no sitcoms about a gay couple dealing with life and love. There are few dramatic movies about same-sex couples falling in love (and Brokeback Mountain being the most obvious one now isn't exactly the best example of a couple dealing with their relationship in a constructive way). There are also very few gay couples in real life and even less who are open that we can emulate or at least see as viable option in our futures. A few people I interviewed for my thesis sometimes said their role models were their parents, albeit a little begrudgingly, and most said they were making it up as they went along. Unfortunately, not everyone is that resourceful. People fundamentally need role models. As children we imitate what we see in our world to make sense of it and to learn how to act in it. But without same-sex couple role models, without people to give us same-sex couple advice, we are left with nothing.

The people who cause gay and lesbians the greatest harm are conservatives, misguided Christians and a majority of US citizens. I don't in anyway discredit individual agency in this, that people make their own decisions that can lead to AIDS, but in a lot of ways our hands are tied. If we really want to fight AIDS and STD's, we need a society that encourages monogamous relationships, opposite-sex and same-sex. I know I'll get it from people who don't want to reinforce heterosexist norms, but I completely reject that argument. There is little that is heterosexist about two guys fucking each other the rest of their lives, safely and lovingly.

Your Child Is Not Special, He's Fucking Annoying

2006-01-12T08:11:00.000-08:00

This is ridiculous. In general, I hate conservatives and closed minded people. I think that you should be open to new idea and embrace a lot of what people choose to believe and practice as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. Sort of, whatever you want to do, go for it. However, there seems to be this ultra-liberal, retarded parent movement on Indigo Children (not related to Gingers). Indigo children, you ask? What does that mean? Ask the NYTimes:

Indigo children were first described in the 1970's by a San Diego parapsychologist, Nancy Ann Tappe, who noticed the emergence of children with an indigo aura, a vibrational color she had never seen before. This color, she reasoned, coincided with a new consciousness.

In "The Indigo Children," Mr. Carroll and Ms. Tober define the phenomenon. Indigos, they write, share traits like high I.Q., acute intuition, self-confidence, resistance to authority and disruptive tendencies, which are often diagnosed as attention-deficit disorder, known as A.D.D., or attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, or A.D.H.D. [NYTimes]

Now, I understand a lot of people hate modern psychology. They think meds are over-prescribed, that people aren't learning to just deal. Further, people are convinced that their annoying little children are actually not annoying but special. Well, your child is special. He's special in that there is a neurochemical imbalance in your child's head that makes him annoying to every single human being but you. I understand that you want to believe your kid is not fucked up. But you have to understand that when your kid cannot read anything, can't focus on a math problem or do anything for more than a minute, the kid is clearly fucked up.

More importantly, your kid does not have a stupid purple aura. Your child is not on another spectral plain. Your child is loud, obnoxious, frustrating and should be heavily medicated into some sort of stupor.

And this is what I admire about conservative people. While the believe in such fictional things as Jesus, God and the War on Terror, they do not believe in auras, special "vibrational energy" or telepathy. Obviously both extremes of this are really really ridiculous. If you think I'm being mean or over-reacting, people who believe in this have the potential to really hurt people. Annette Piper "had planned to go to medical school until she realized she was an indigo, able to tell what was wrong with people by touching them."

I can tell without touching Annette that she's an idiot.

MacBook

2006-01-11T07:36:00.000-08:00

Time to get geeky.

Apple just released the MacBook Pro which contains the new Intel Dual Core processors. That means it's really fast. But most importantly, it means that everyone who has a PowerBook has an obsolete computer. So ha-ha-ha-ha. Now you might say someone with a iBook G3 is one to talk, but you know what, my shit was obsolete when I bought it four and half years ago. And it was way cheaper.

More importantly, Apple dropped the PowerBook name. This seems ridiculous. "PowerBook" was pretty well known among most computer users as being really fast and really nice. MacBook sounds like a child's version of the PowerBook. Steve Jobs said he wanted to drop "Power" since the dropped the PowerPC but Power also has a certain ring to it that implies, well, a powerful computer. So what is the iBook going to become? Just the plain old MacBook? Or will it be the MacBook Ghetto? And the PowerMac line? The MacMac?

Kudos, however, on the return to the black colored computers. Blackish, dark gray computers not only look really cool but they also don't get fucked up as easily. Take for instance any one you know with a white iBook. Most people, unlike me, don't clean them periodically. This leaves brown and black smudges from hand oil. It's gross.

Anyway, Apple released new iMacs and MacBooks with Intel chips (starting at $2000) but no new consumer laptops. This leaves me in the state I was in before, which is deparately wanting a new Mac, but wanting to hold out for a low cost Mactel laptop. Well, thanks Apple for updating your higher profit margin lines.

Apple also released a bunch of other programs that I, and most everyone else, will probably never use, let alone pay for:
.Mac
iLife '06
iWorks '06

New Years Resolution: Die of Cancer Faster

2006-01-10T00:40:00.000-08:00

The obvious answer for a New Years Resolution should have been "Quit Smoking." This is, of course, not going to happen anytime soon. First of all, I don't want to quit. Those horrible ads where they cut open that person's brain who died of an aneurysm because they smoked, doesn't really phase me. I smoke now, on average, five cigarettes a day. I've cut way back since April and I'm happy where I am. Surprisingly, I've kept it up too. Sometimes I smoke more (like when I'm heavily drinking [which is technically only on Friday and Saturday nights]) but it averages to five a day.

So my resolution is not to quit. I need a real incentive for that, like a boyfriend or asthma. Until then, I'm still going to look cool.

However, I did decide to do something else for 2006: Cut back on sugar. Two of my roommates have already done this and I'm sort of tagging along. My primary target for the sugar saving: Coffee. For the last six years my morning cup of joe has been this:

1 average cup coffee + enough half and half to tinge the color light brown + two table spoons of sugar = my morning coffee

Recently this had changed into one Starbucks coffee and 6 packets of sugar. So since I've gained about 15 pounds at work and my teeth are rotting out of my skull, I decided to cut the sugar out of my coffee. I've been experimenting heavily with artificial sweeteners. There are three primary sweeteners that I know of: Sweet N' Low, Equal and Splenda. The only one I haven't tried is Equal and that's because no one I've ever met uses it.

With this idea in my mind, I asked people what they used as substitutes. it became quickly obvious that people are also very dedicated to their artificial sweeteners. My parents are die-hard Sweet N' Low users, my mom even carrying those pink packets in her person, just in case of emergency. My friend Ely told me he was used to the taste of Splenda, that real sugar didn't even taste good to him anymore. My roommate told me he liked the taste now too. It seemed to me that Splenda was addictive. When I mentioned Sweet N' Low, their eyes would bug out like any addict and they yelp, "That stuff will give you cancer."

And I ignored that these two smoked.

But there have been numerous reports that the saccharine in Sweet N' Low is lethal. Cancerous, even. The wikipedia explains the problems with Sweet'N Low as such:

In Canada, where saccharin is currently banned except for diabetic use only, the artificial sweetener used in Sweet'N Low is cyclamate. Ironically, cyclamate is banned in the United States. Both bans extend from the same set of experimental results from the 1960s in which a blend of saccharin and cyclamate was linked to bladder cancer in animal test subjects. The results were inconclusive and the US and Canada ended up each banning one of the two products. [ Wikipedia]

I started with Splenda.

Splenda is repellent. It tastes the way I imagine crystallized cancer would. One packet in my coffee makes it undrinkable and wretched. It's like I accidentally knocked thinly sweet bile into my coffee. Fuck Splenda.

Sweet N' Low is different. I don't mind it. In fact, the taste of one packet of Sweet N' Low in my large cup of coffee is enough to give the vague illusions of sweetness. It's okay and does the job.

But am I really going to die of bladder cancer because of it? I looked a little more. Everyone has heard that saccharin causes cancer in mice. Well does it? Yes. But it appeared that bladder cancer occurred in only male mice and this was later shown to be because of the sodium in the injections:

Cohen said his research showed that when the sodium form of saccharin combines with rat urine, it creates crystal-like stones in the bladder of the animal. Those stones, in turn, lead to cellular changes that cause cancer.

But human urine is vastly different from rat urine, Cohen said, and does not react with saccharin the same way. "We now have enough understanding to know that this is a rat-specific phenomenon," he said in an interview earlier this week. [NYTimes]

In the end, it looks like Sweet'N Low is safe and so is all that saccharin. Another important point is that saccharin has been around for 20 years and there has been no increase in bladder cancer. And as Dr. Whelan says:

The real preventable causes of cancer include cigarette smoking, alcohol abuse (particularly in conjunction with smoking), overexposure to sunlight, promiscuous unprotected sex (a risk factor for cervical cancer), high-dose exposure to radiation, occupational (high-level of exposure to) chemicals, and some pharmaceuticals. Knowledge of these causes is derived from studies of people, not rodents. [ACSH]

So kids put a check mark by all of the things you do that really give you cancer:

Cigarette Smoking
Alcohol Abuse
Smoking and Drinking at the same time
Promiscuous Sex
High Dose Radiation (Cell Phone)
Occupational Chemicals (LCD Monitors)
Pharmaceuticals (Every sleep aid known to man)

When Borrowing My Money, Ask Please

2006-01-04T08:16:00.000-08:00

As a cheap bastard, which can be confirmed by all my ex's and friends, I knew something was up the second my Washington Mutual account seemed to dip slightly. I sensed that, despite copious Christmas shopping and an uncontrolled binging fest of magazines, starbucks and shit food at the airport while waiting for six hours after I missed my flight (fuck the TWU), something was afoot. And since I check my checking account balance about twice a day, it was inevitable I would find out that someone had stolen my debit card information.

The first clue was a charge to iFriends.com, a porno site. It's conceivable that this was mine. In a depressed, drunk bender, it is completely reasonable that I would have paid for a membership to Sean Cody or some other "straight" guys fucking each other site. But then I checked iFirends. Straight porno, like jizz on titties kind of thing. Which, is just gross.

And then charges to McAfee.com started to pop up which is, ironically, an Internet security software company. So i called iFriends and the told me that whoever made the account with them had my phone number, address, card number and security pin. Awesome. However, the fucker who created the account used the email address quinnell.ben@gmail.com

So everyone, please let quinnell.ben@gmail.com know that he is a total prick. This is probably a dummy account, but go ahead, send him a couple of emails telling him to fuck off and die.

In the end, I had to cancel my card, which has basically cut me off from having cash for the last week. The charges will be reimbursed to my account sometime next week. But I'm still pissed that Ben Quinnel would take my money. I mean, I'm broke as shit. At least take money from someone who has it. Or even better, someone who has parents who gives them money. Or who have a trust fund. You know, Manhattanites.

2005: Year in Review, Part 2

2005-12-30T07:23:00.000-08:00

Musically, 2005 was really a step forward for music that sounds exactly like it is from 1984. This being said, my pick for the best album of the year would be Wolf Parade: Apologies for Queen Mary. This is a really amazing piece of work and it's the only album that came out this year that I could pretty much listen to all the way through (minus the first track). So, if you haven't heard it, go listen to it. It's delightful.

But no one really cares about my musical opinion. What is better, though, is my hypothetical musical opinion. So here is the Top 10 Albums I Would Have Really Liked in 2005:

10. Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine
I honestly don't have anything against Fiona Apple, but I am not a rape victim or an anorexic, so I've never really been drawn to Fiona Apple.

9. Out Hud – Let Us Never Speak of It Again
Actually, I listened to this a couple of times and I just wanted to include it because I think this is one of the worst albums I've ever heard. Out Hud is mind numbing and bad. It's a good to dance to if you are really fucked up and just went harpooning for your ear drums with needles.

8. Silver Jews - The Tanglewood Numbers
This has Stephen Malkmus in it, so I should have loved it. But I'm just so anti-Semitic.

7. Animal Collective - Feels
I listened to this once and I decided it was not for me. But if I was a man of aural endurance, I could have forced myself to change my tastes and used my knowledge of this album to impress skinny indie rock boys into letting me fist them.

6. The Mountain Goats - The Sunset Tree
The only reason I could think of why I would have really liked this album is that it has an animal in it's name and I like Wolf Parade, Modest Mouse and the Unicorns.

5. Tom Vek: We Have Sound
I never listened to this because no Torrent file could be found and I'm broke. However, iTunes Music Store had clips, of course, and this sounded very Nintendo-ey. Which is fine for a Nintendo.

4. The Decemberists- Picaresque
I just downloaded this, since BitTorrent was not being forth coming (again) with it until last week, so maybe I could still squeeze it in before the end of the year. But if not, I'm sure I would have liked it considering EVERYONE name dropped it.

3. The Clientele- Strange Geometry
I tried to listen to it but everyone describe it as psychedelic and heavily melodic. Which sounds well and good, but I already have all of the Flaming Lips albums'.

2. Deerhoof- Four Runners
I could really see this in my collection, but mostly because the album cover looks suspiciously like the Wolf Parade cover:

1. Art Brut: Bang Bang Rock & Roll
Again, I did actually listen to this once. After one go around, though, I was not impressed. I probably should have listened to it again considering I was told to love it by every music website, specifically Lord Pitchfork with reviews so glowing they must be trying to rectally slide the CD inside themselves:
"See if you can follow this: Art Brut, through their thoroughly unpretentious embrace of pretentiousness, are the most punk new band I've heard in years, punk having lost itself long ago to the pretentiousness of unpretentiousness."
Shut up.

2005: Year In Review

2005-12-29T08:33:00.000-08:00

2005 was a really important year.  Why?  Because this year painful, non-caring ass fucking become mainstream.  The Movie of the Year (Brokeback Mountain) featured a beautifully filmed and emotionally moving scene of Heath Ledger spitting on his dick and jamming it into Jake Gyllenhaal ass.  There was no kissing, just Jake grunting as Heath drunk-fucked his anus.

Now, not to create too many mental images, but this is frighteningly similar to my ex boyfriend, Kevin (Boyfriend of Year [the default since he was the only boyfriend this year]).   While we never allowed barebacking or spit lubing, Kevin was very fond of drinking to the point of getting more stupid than he already was ( Dumbass of the Year), getting super horny (Rim-Jobber of the Year), and trying to force his penis in me (Pseudo-Rapist of the Year ).  While this could be fun, unfortunately Kevin was so completely and utterly self-absorbed (Drama Queen of the Year, Egotist of the Year, Man-Child of the Year) that it never occurred to him that his pleasure would be causing me the most HORRIBLE pain.  Especially when he wouldn't ask first or even check to make sure "systems are go."

However, painfully getting anally fucked was also on display on the news media.  After Hurricane Katrina, the public was inundated with images of how Bush (Asshole of the Year ) is like a drunk painfully fucking the poor and the black over and over again.

2005: Way to go anal.

Comments

2005-12-29T08:09:00.000-08:00

Oh my god! Someone posted a comment on my blog! Holy Shit! I was totally going to fake-post comments on my blog but this is way better! That is the best christmas gift I got this year! Which is kind of true, sadly.

Drunk and Sexy

2005-12-15T07:21:00.000-08:00

So this LA Times story (from Gawker) talks about the difficulty in simply stopping your social drinking and how not drinking helps you to work out. I think this is unfair, focusing on the challenges of abstaining as a social drinker. But what about us crying-in-our-rooms, wishing-life-was-more-than-this, listening-to-Elliott-Smith non-social drinkers? It's just as hard for us to stop (even though it's not a real problem) too.

Speaking of, I was briefly discussing with a friend yesterday if drinking was making us fat. My friend thought so and I simply chalked it up to eating crappy holiday food and not exercising because it's cold (and not bullshit-40-degrees cold, but below freezing cold in New York for two weeks now). Of course the instructor from the above article says that not drinking helps your workout. Well, I challenge that idea. I believe drinking during a workout would be beneficial. I would totally consider working out if I could develop some sort of chemical dependency around it. Anyway, here are some stats on how much those drinks are fucking up your calories:

Can/Bottle Beer: 117
Glass of Wine: 79
1 oz. of Gin, Rum, Vodka or Whiskey: 64

There are more lists (with things like Pina Coladas and Whiskey Sours) but I haven't been able to afford those since I was in High School.

Calorie-count.com

Brokeback Mountain

2005-12-13T14:12:00.000-08:00

I saw Brokeback Mountain the day it came out in the East Village. My friends and I were accompanied by a theatre full of gay men and only four women. It was amazing and weird. So with this being said, it was like being in a middle school classroom getting lectured about "Penis goes into the vagina." Half of the guys were giggling or hissing, which is to be expected with 200 gay men, but it also sort of stunts a little bit of your emotional reaction to the movie. I mean, I felt bad for Michelle Williams' character but it's hard to feel really bad for her when she sees her husband making out with another dude when the entire theatre starts screaming "Ooooohhhh Shit Girl!" and starts laughing. Me included, of course.

And because of the gays (disposable income!), the movie made a whopping amount of cash. Of course, there were tons of couples at the movie. Good for them. But the downside to seeing a movie in a theatre full of gay couples is the overwhelming feeling that you are single. The downside to seeing Brokeback Mountain in a theatre full of gay couples is the overwhelming feeling that you are going to die alone.

Which may or may not be true.

Brokeback Mountain also got nominated for 7 Golden Globes. But I want to make special note here not of Ang Lee, Michelle Williams or Heath Ledger's nominations but of the two music nominations. The "Best Original Score" of the movie is setting appropriate but really really bad. Honestly, every time that fucking lilty little guitar piece came on, I cringed. I cringed more at that score than when imagining getting fucked in the ass without lube when it happened in the movie.

And there is something else that got nominated that mystifies me: Best Original Song, "Love Will Never Grow Old" by Bernie Taupin. Is this the fucking lilty guitar piece? And what is this name? Love Will Never Grow Old? My ass. The movie proved that love will grow old, and very clearly. First of all, Jake Gyllenhaal grows an ugly mustache as your love grows old. What else happens? You fight, a lot, as love grows old. And apparently you live in a prolonged state of sadness and misery with some intermittent "high altitude fucks." Which is essentially what my life is now without love.

Now I'm not feeling so bad about being single.

Morning Cup

2005-12-08T07:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay, okay. So the secret is out about the Fecca-cino. I was really hoping that no one would find out. But yes, all gay men really love shit-based coffee. Who spilled the beans, so to speak? Westboro, or GodHatesFags.com, in a press release! Really, I don't argue with them too much, God might actually hate fags for this one. I mean drinking shit coffee is really gross and the fags just love it. I mean, I know so many guys that drink that stuff. And considering there is a Starbucks on every corner, who really can resist the fecca-cino?

Speaking of homo proclivities, the gay group sex at the Jay Street-Borough Hall station got busted before I could join in!

Damnit! All the good things keep closing. Including: CBGB's! Finally, the hollow, former shell of a cool venue is closing. I just hope a new place will open up where I can hear bad New Jersey metal bands play.

Good As You
Gothamist

Colors

2005-12-07T13:02:00.000-08:00

I'm frantically fiddling with the color scheme for this. If you don't like Red, Black and White, you may hate what I've done and what I'm going to do.

LAMBDA to Sodomize Oklahoma Marriage Ban

2005-12-06T13:36:00.000-08:00

I will never move back to Oklahoma. There are a number of reasons for this but my favorite one is that about 76% of Oklahomans voted for the gay marriage ban that not only banned gay marriage but also banned gay adoption, civil unions AND made it a misdemeanor to issue a marriage liscense to same-sex couples.

"parental rights are given exceptional deference in U.S. constitutional law, and considered fundamental. Any law that burdens parental authority must theoretically be justified by a compelling state interest. Oklahoma's House Media Division explained that passing the ban on recognizing gay adoptive families would "protect Oklahoma children from being targeted for adoption by gay couples across the nation," and "ensure that children are raised in traditional family environments."

Lawsuit targets Okla. anti-gay adoption law (Gay.com)

iTunes Vintage TV

2005-12-06T07:18:00.000-08:00

Well this morning I opened iTunes hoping that there would be another new, shitty Bloc Party single or EXCLUSIVE!! LIVE!! track from the arcade fire or death from above 1979, but instead I was greeted by David Hasslehoff's bulge:

(Not the iTunes photo, unfortunately)
Anyway, if you don't remember, Nightrider really changed the TV drama landscape. Not since Herbie had there been a car that was so compelling a character. Kitt really spoke to a generation (literally) and the episode where he began huffing gasoline was the best anti-drug episode ever put on TV. Brilliant drama, now just $1.99 per episode. Thank you Apple.

Apple
MacRumors

Brooklyn Bars

2005-12-02T08:22:00.000-08:00

Seeing as the (L) trian shuts down past Lorimer this weekend, all weekend, it seems like I should once again point out the superiority of Brooklyn Bars vs. Manhattan Bars. Now, obviously, I'm biased since there will be six weekends were I really don't have a choice in terms of staying in Brooklyn (and i'm not braving the walk down Flushing to the (J) train again).

So first of all, Brooklyn Bars have deals. There is of course Capones and the Alligator Lounge which not only have reasonably priced beer but free pizza. I seriosuly doubt Luke & Leroys gives you anything free besides herpes.
I must stress, though, that it is just flat out cheaper in Brooklyn. Beer still runs around $4 to $5 and there is always the optional PBR which can run as low as $3. Now consider that Rififi and Lit raised their prices recently and there really is no reason to deal with the dick doormen at these bars.

The most important thing, though, is that Manhattan is crushing under the weight of New Jersey.
Places that were once fun are now shitty, like Lit. Supreme Trading seems like it could eventually take over what Lit once was, assuming they get a DJ who will play different songs from week to week. And Rififi was fun for a while but don't expect to start dancing anytime soon. The East Village IS NOT A SECRET ANYMORE and has sucked in all of the people who normally would have hung out on Bleeker Street. That means lots of button up white shirts with jeans and any number of items from Mexx. And to top it all off, there is a slightly-less-creepy-than-Manhattan-gay-bars bar in Brooklyn: The Metropolitan.

Radiohead Rap

2005-11-30T07:27:00.000-08:00

I've tried on many occassions to really get into rap and hip-hop. And besides some Dizzee Rascal, Missy Elliot, and Kanye West, that hasn't really happened. Yes, I've heard atmosphere, Aesop Rock, El-P, MF Doom, and saul williams. And whatever the hell is on the radio when my roommate turns it on. But what really would help me get into it is if whiney alt rockers could be integrated in.

Pavement
Radiohead

Man Turkey

2005-11-23T08:27:00.000-08:00

I've definitely put some stuffing in the middle one.

Joys of Being Single

2005-11-22T11:00:00.000-08:00

This is really exciting for me. I get to talk about masturbating, a lot.

Here is a 19th Century French guide on the ills of masturbating. I vomit blood frequently.

A crocheted Dildo Cozy.

A Mechanical Masturbate r. This is great, really. This gives paraplegics the same joys in life I have taken for granted for years.

Finally, there is a great article in Slate about Sex Machines. It's like the pinewood derby contests in Boy Scouts, but with more rectal penetration.

Boycotting God

2005-11-22T07:28:00.000-08:00

Jerry Falwell and his congregation have started the "Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign." The point of this campaign is to educate people about their freedom to celebrate Christmas (it is a federally recognized holiday), talk incessantly about it and to boycott companies that don't say "Merry Christmas." The best part:

That's not good enough for American Family Association President Tim Wildmon, who wants to see "Merry Christmas" signs displayed prominently "if they expect Christians to come in and buy products during this so-called season."

And he isn't worried if they offend people who aren't Christian.

"They can walk right by the sign," Wildmon said. "It's a federal holiday. If someone is upset by that, well, they should know that they are living in a predominantly Christian nation."

You know, they do have a point. I was trying to think of the best way to sort of go against this, and while I thought about boycotting Christmas, I thought better of that because I really do like Christmas, gifts, trees, sweaters and consumerism.
I think this year we should all celebrate by boycotting Christianity.
That is, in the coming month be sure to explain why God doesn't exist or facts about Christmas' origin in a succinct, festive fashion. You can do this in a number of ways. There are the classic epithets:

"Merry Christmas, God is dead."
"Have a Merry Christmas and remember we celebrate Jesus dying in three months!"

You could get more factual:

"Merry Christmas, the date of which was used to convert Pagans!"
"Merry Christmas, though no one knows when Jesus was born."
"Merry Christmas, Jesus was nailed to a pine a tree."
"Merry Christmas, or Saturnalia, because that's it's real name, isn't it?"
"Have a Merry Christmas, I hope you live past 33."
"Merry Christmas, I hope your reliance on religion for answers to life's questions really works out for you."

There's also the festive boycotting of Church. Do not go to Church. Also, no praying. And most importantly, do not donate money to any religious organizations. This includes those Salvation Army bell ringers. I think it's important to to stand up for what you do not believe in this Christmas season.

"Merry Christmas, fuck off."

Link

Math

2005-11-21T11:13:00.000-08:00

Bush says that the progress in Iraq is "amazing." Considering estimates put the total number of Iraqi dead from the war at 100,000, and the population of Iraq is 26,074,906, then we only have 25 million more people to kill before we win! Yay! Keep truckin'!

Romeo And Juliet

2005-11-18T11:31:00.000-08:00

I don't really like Shakespeare. But I do really like Romeo and Juliet Told in Emoticons.

Ice Pick Lobotomy

2005-11-18T07:29:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I cry on the train because I'm really depressed or because the dentist just told me I have to spend $1000 on getting my crown fixed and I don't have dental insurance. Or sometimes it's because I'm listening to a graphic description of this:

Ice Pick Lobotomy

Touchdown Jesus

2005-11-18T07:18:00.000-08:00

Since two people saw this article, instantly thought of me, and forwarded the link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/17/national/17statue.html?emc=eta1

CCF

2005-11-17T14:08:00.000-08:00

Boingboing.net has some interesting photos of what a corporate cluster fuck looks like.

Cold Season

2005-11-17T11:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, this isn't mine, but a friend wrote me an email and I'm stealing
it from her. This is important to remember during cold
season:

So all of the stuff I have read about echinacea attest that it is in fact, an immune booster. However, catching the common cold has nothing to do with your immune system. If the cold virus (which there are 200 of) comes into contact with your mucus membrane (usually through the nose), 80% of people will become infected and develop symptoms, regardless of the strength of their immune system. This was discovered by my recent search of echinacea and the common cold on the internet.

Vitamin C does not prevent colds either. It just may reduce the duration of the cold.

In fact, nothing prevents, or cures the common cold. We all just have to suffer with them. Which means, I can go out on Friday because nothing I do will reduce the duration of my cold, but medications will reduce my symptoms. So I'll just take cold medicine and drink! My symptoms will be gone.

Confessions on the Dance Floor

2005-11-17T08:43:00.000-08:00

The new Madonna album is, after one listen through, pretty bad. It's not the lyrics that necessarily make it mind numbingly awful, even though those are of special note. "I Love New York" sounds like it was written by her daughter ("Other cities always make me mad/ Other places always make me sad/ No other city ever made me glad/ except New York/I love New York/I love New York"), but I assume her daughter can move beyond the classic mad-glad-sad emotion rhyming scheme. The most important thing is that I really detested her use of religion. I'm not Jewish, or Christian, and I found her songs offensive. I mean, when I'm coked out on the dance floor or licking the anus of a stranger, the last thing I want to hear is Hebrew chanting. Listening to old Jewish guy groaning "Mmmmmm/ Im-ninalo Im-ninalo/ Mmmmmm/ Im-ninalo Im-ninalo" is not hot or even really interesting. I lived in a Hassidic Jewish neighborhood for a while and I've come to respect there need for a repressive, conservative society, it doesn't make me want to dance. I long for the days when Madonna's religious songs where simple, direct and innuendo filled: "When you call my name it's like a little prayer/ I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there/ In the midnight hour I can feel your power/ Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there."

I had high hopes for the album since Madonna sampling an ABBA song is like the faggy-atom bomb, but there really is no reason to buy the album unless you want to spend some extra time deciding if you're seeing pubic hair or crotch wrinkles in her leotard.

On-Lies

2005-11-16T12:03:00.000-08:00

On-lies

During Gay Pride 2005, I went to a party in the West Village at my friend Johnny's apartment. He has rooftop access and— on a hot, sunny summer day— it was the perfect place for basting yourself in alcohol and roasting. Johnny had a lot of friends there, most decked out in the shortest-shorts they could find. Luckily this was intentional since it was the theme and not mass-hysteria-related bad taste. I opted to wear jeans. This proved to be a huge mistake in 95-degree heat and since a majority of Johnny's friends are gay, I was also the only one who didn't wear short shorts. Johnny has what I consider to be a vast gay network. And from what I could see, every one of them was totally comfortable with their genitals, for the most part, completely on display. This was unusual for me, since I have so few gay friends. For me, Johnny is my vast gay network.

I am so utterly unassociated with gay men in New York that I sometimes forget I live in one of the gayest cities in the country. It was undeniably the number one reason for me to move to New York, I wanted to be gay in the gayest place. I wanted that comfort, that opportunity and I desperately wanted to fuck everything that moved.

This never really worked out for me. I moved to New York and ended up doing what I normally do, falling in love with someone from far away. My best friend, Amy, calls this 'pathological.'

I never viewed it as pathological. Well, I thought it was borderline pathological when I started using Friendster. This brought a whole new dimension to falling in love with people who don't know you. I could now find someone I randomly met somewhere, completely memorize their profile, and then in conversation have something to talk about.

"How've you been, haven't seen you in a while," a guy I researched might say to me.

"Yeah, oh my god, I've been so deeply in to folk music and, you know, going out too and having a good time. But, you know, I also like to stay home and watch movies. I love reading, writing, and photography too." I'd say rubbing my hands together excitedly waiting for him to mount me, like I had just recited the magic password that would, literally, open him up to me.

"Ummmm..."

Friendster is the perfect platform to monitor someone in such a vast city like New York. Back in Oklahoma I could easily know what my crushes were doing all the time, I would simply drive by their house, hang out at one of two parties that ever happened or go to the mall. But NYC has two parties going on every few seconds and the social networks are much more complicated. So Friendster (and myspace, facebook and so on) are the best ways to hunt someone down and know as much about them as they are willing to present.

At Johnny's rooftop party, I introduced people to the guy I was dating, Kevin. Everyone was happy to meet him, and then when he was away, Johnny inquired about where he came from with for a group of guys. For a minute almost forgot where I was, so many almost naked men around me in with neon colored genitals. With hesitation, I mumbled, "New Hampshire."

"No, no, no" Johnny pushed, "Where did you meet him??"

Turning more red than the beer and heat had already caused, I looked down at the rooftop and mumbled lowly, "Friendster."

Everyone in earshot laughed, frowned in disapproval or looked at me like I told them I molested a chid, perhaps theirs. Telling people you met someone online for anything other than a one-night stand is hands down, across the board, the absolute worst way you could say you met someone.

"Oh, I met him in the bathroom of Urge with a gram of cocaine and he gave me a hand job," I'd say.

"That is the sweetest story I've ever heard," my friends would say with big smiles, "I'm so glad things are working out for you."

The reality was me mumbling,"Friendster."

"Hahaha..." they laughed and then paused for a dramatic breath, covering their mouths and saying, "Oh my god that is so terrible. I'm so sorry"

I try to avoid this conversation. I also try to act like I've never met anyone online before. That would be so weird. However, I'm now the tried and true internet dater. The first man I dated from the internet was Don. He messaged me and we set a date for drinks. He was funny, charming and moderately attractive in his profile. And, most importantly, he liked good music and books. He described himself well and sounded pretty normal. I figured I had done pretty well. We eventually started dating and for the (gasp) five weeks we dated, he showed me all of Williamsburg, Brooklyn and awed me with the wonder of it all.

But it was only a month that we dated. It seems once my hormones cool after that first month, there has to be something else there. Which, of course, there never is.

This isn't to say it's necessarily my fault. Don said he liked good music, but he actually like gothy music with dark intonings by crazed feminist performances artists. He also tamed his otherworldly beliefs in his profile, like the ghosts that he had conversations with and the ones his mother ("I swear, there really were ghosts in my closet when I was younger!") scared off. But Don had said two things outside of this that really stuck with me. I'll start with the less disturbing one.

He told me he used to masturbate to my picture for a week or two before he messaged me.

After the heat of a sexual moment, in the often guilt ridden seconds after cumming on someone's stomach, Don told me that he used to fantasize about me fucking him while looking at my Friendster profile.

I smiled, told him that was sweet, and wondered if I jumped out the window, how hard it would be to get down the fire escape naked. In the end it wasn't Don's masturbating to photos of me in a French maid's outfit (which I had thought was obviously meant to be a joke and not erotic) before we met, or that he believed in ghosts (which is auto-rejection on a date now), it was that he always one upped me. The final straw was one Sunday morning.

"These pancakes are good," he said after I made him my home made Jiffy Brand recipe, "But I would have made fresh ginger pancakes with mango chutney."

At Johnny's party I didn't have to worry about running in to Don, he was of course from Friendster and only connected to me through the fictional "G train" profile, a tenuous connection at best. But at Johnny's party I did run into my first boyfriend, Joey. I hadn't really talked to him for almost four years and from what I could see (and see through) he hadn't changed a bit: he looked 13.

Our relationship also lasted the magical five weeks but ended amicably. It wasn't until after a few months it soured (for no other reason than I tend to sour things I have sex with). The last time I saw him was at a bar where I blurted out drunkenly as he walked by my friends and I, "There goes the Ho train for Ho town."

I am not a proud person, so when Josh emailed me to ask about us being friends and not being so hostile after that event, I agreed. Besides, I was never going to go to Ho town so what did it matter if I ever had to be nice to him again?

Unfortunately, Ho town was the West Village and the today's Ho stop was Johnny's rooftop Bar-B-Q.

"How are you doing?" I asked, spitting the red hot beer back into my cup as I greeted Josh for the first time since I told him, "We would really make much better friends."

"Hey, good. Here, meet my boyfriend, Caleb," he said with a big smile as I looked at Caleb's penis. Luckily, Kevin intervened, ever paranoid that I was somehow going to cheat, and began talking to them. I went off to talk to other people.

These are the events that I imagine I will meet my next boyfriend, which is unfortunate when you already have one. Rooftop bar-b-q's, house parties and quiet bookstores: they seem like the perfect places to find someone. I can see some man with stubble and black Buddy Holly glasses walking into the musty underground used book store, he'll cruise the fiction section instead of the gay bars and ask me about my favorite band and not how many of his fingers he can fit in my anus.

But this doesn't happen, partially because I don't have enough money for books after all the money I spend drinking at the gay bars people are suppose to cruise me at, but mostly because it doesn't happen to anyone. I have yet to hear of a cute meeting story that even remotely resembles the ones I've come up with.

It definitely doesn't help either when you spend your time on Friendster, looking for that guy you almost met that one time at that one party. Or maybe I'm the only one who does that. Like Joey's boyfriend, Caleb, maybe I'll keep an eye on his profile and message him when his status moves to "single."

But even status can be ambiguous. With Kevin, I never made the full fledge commitment to him that involved changing my status to "In a Relationship." I was "Single" through our relationship, but I was only looking for "Friends."

Kevin first contacted me when I was Single and "Looking for a Relationship" with a scatological note about Oklahoma and Texas. I looked at his profile and he had written a tangent against the Chelsea queens and how he hated what gay culture had become: image obsessed, drug addicted, eating disordered sluts. He had created a profile that was perfect for me. I thought the note was cute at the time as well and had no idea it was going to be the pattern for his entire personality.

We dated for (this is good) three months. It's notable as the longest relationship I've ever had. Three whole months! Wow! Kevin told me he had never met anyone online before and I smirked and said, "Well there's a first time for everything."

Much like getting a rim job on the first date. This seemed to be more in tune with my friends' expectations of meeting people online, drinking and then sex. Unfortunately for me this is a recipe for a mistaken relationship where, near the end of two months, your tanorexic, anorexic boyfriend tells you that you don't love him enough. Maybe it's because I can't love someone who spends all day thinking about his skin tone and his imaginary personal assistant, Juanita.

It's not that these things aren't cute in their own way, it's that nothing is ever cute for very long. Much like Josh's young, prepubescent cuteness, it eventually gives way to something much creepier. For Josh this was looking like a Man-Child and for Kevin it was acting like a Man-Child. This meant crying uncontrollably, needing constant reassurance, still clutching on to dreams of becoming a Broadway star and explaining to me that his favorite book is A Hoboken Chicken Story, a children's book about a boy and a chicken. I'm okay with liking children's books but I feel like after you have done enough cocaine for nine months of your life to support a small South American country or blown more than 30 guys you would eventually, maybe, be old enough or mature enough to read a Bret Easton Ellis book. But, of course, I've been wrong before.

I met Kevin and Don online, dated them and eventually broke up with them. I don't know if you can meet good guys on the internet -- I know I've met what seem like good guys in real life and found them on Friendster -- but I can't actually verify that men in the real world are any better. Everyone has a few personality "traits" that make you want to suffocate them, but I don't know if I can attribute anything specific to the online singles. All I can say is that an online profile seems to be the best description of what you are NOT. Having to explain so vociferously that you aren't a psycho probably means you are. Listing in a two page diatribe that you hate image obsession and sexual promiscuity probably means that you are stupid enough to believe saying you hate those things will instantly expunge you of those qualities.

Back on the rooftop Bar-B-Q I watched all of the singles mingle in their groups, one guy with an awful voice, another one who leered at people too long, even another with an obsession with circuit parties and a few men who guffawed at my hatred for Chelsea clubs. The pool of gay men is not, necessarily, good in real life or the internet. And it's confusing too since everyone seems so good in writing. But despite this, I will probably still rely on the internet for dating. It seems to me that it's more likely I'll find my over-educated, glasses wearing, stubble man online than in any of the places I ever go in real life. But the one nice thing about the real world is that, much like a penis outlined in spandex short shorts, it's much harder to hide your real self.

New

2005-11-16T12:02:00.000-08:00

So I decided to move from LiveJournal to blogger. This means that I
can post via email, which makes my life frighteningly easier and means
I can update constantly. Becuase that's something I should be doing.

Test

2005-11-16T11:58:00.000-08:00

Tesr